I'm Not Crazy, I'm Just Not You!

Alice: But I don't want to go among mad people.
The Cat: Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.

- Alice in Wonderland


This article on Introversion that I was directed to from here, sparked a chain of thoughts (well, what else do you expect of an introvert!), and further fuelled by the various comments and reactions from friends and other readers the following thoughts emerged, about ‘Introversion/Extroversion’ in specific and ‘type theories’ in general.

(1) Introverts are not necessarily detached or someone who don't need people (as the article mentions – they are not ‘misanthropic’) - Just that the effort required to interact in larger crowds is draining, and they prefer one-to-one interactions. The need to 'connect' at a human level can be very strong for even an introvert (It’s ok even if that connection happens through mail - infact the Internet is a boon for any introvert, as it provides the ideal environment to create connections, without the discomfort of the face-to-face medium), where as on the other hand, you may find extroverts who don't necessarily have the need to connect deeply with people (point is, a tendency towards either orientation doesn't automatically suggest a person's need to be with people)

(2)Though introverts are clearly at a greater disadvantage compared to their extrovert counterparts (especially as a child, when the comfort of 'being yourself' may not have yet developed and a constant push towards being more 'active' may lead to a lack of self-esteem, as the child tends to assume 'something must be wrong with me' to incite constant prodding) - the extroverts too may be at a disadvantage at times (imagine a gregarious extrovert growing up in a family of introverts)

(2) Most of us tend to balance-out our 'inherent' personalities - like everything else in nature, where, magically enough everything strives towards a state of equilibrium, so is the case with the human mind, and infact a lack of that is what leads to most mental/personality disorders (like any other disorder in nature) Which means, over time, introverts get more comfortable interacting with crowds and extroverts realise the need for some 'quite time'. (That tendency to achieve the state of equilibrium, very similar to what Jung calls 'individuation' is perhaps what we are referring to when we find a person 'balanced' - they are people, who have consciously or unconsciously sensed the dangers inherent in an 'extreme' form of anything – ‘too much of a good thing can be bad’)

(4) The true objective and purpose of any theories like these (that enunciate differences in people, like the MBTI, which the article also cites) is to highlight and appreciate the inherent differences, and should not be taken as an excuse to pander ones egos and get stuck in rigid patterns of behaviour (“See, this is how I am supposed to be, you can’t expect me to behave differently!”). The realisation arising out of the awareness of how different people can be, should be liberating, not restricting! It should not only lead to a heightened self-awareness but also to the awareness that we cannot assume everyone has the needs we have and hence may react, perceive and respond to situations differently.


In short as this book describes it excellently, ‘I’m Not Crazy. I’m Just Not You’

Boys don't cry

I memorise, I walk in line,
carry my sacrifice for the sake of the millions.
All night you be the light on the water,
you be the pride and the sorrow,
shower your love to me there.

Soldiers, father and son,
we're soldiers, nowhere to run,
we fight or we die,
for what are we living for?
Boys never cry.

Soldiers, Bee-Gees

News reports such as those below keep trickling in...

Stressed soldier kills four colleagues. Monday, March 6, 2006 (Jammu).

Army jawan kills colleagues, shoots self. Sunday, October 2, 2005 (Jammu)

CRPF jawan kills seven colleagues in J&K Sunday, November 28, 2004 (Baramulla)

When the going gets tough, the tough too need help to fight the battles within..

Wah bhai wah!

"Chhote chhote sheheron se, Khali bor dopharon se..."

I love this picture. It symbolises all that one associates with the spirit of small-town India, and may I add, the 'new' face of small-town India - earthy, endearing and aspirational. The innumerable Buntys and Bablis, jo jhola uthake chale...

And where did I spot it?, well, this photograph has found its way to the cover story of Newsweek,Issue March 6, aptly called : 'India Rising'.

Very briefly, this article brings out the following facts:

- Indian democracy may be chaotic and messy, but is growing fast.

- Over the last 15 yrs, India has been the 2nd fastest growing economy after China.

- The ambitious, ready-for-change society has triumphed over the state.

- Their are 1 million elected women in villages across the country - enabling a platform from which to demand better education and health care.

- India is becoming increasingly popular as the preferred spot to invest

- By 2040 India would boast as the third largest economy in the world.

- A the largest 'young' population (which could promise to be a formidable work force)

Depression can kill, literally

Tum itanaa jo muskuraa rahe ho
Kyaa gam hai jis ko chhupaa rahe ho

Ban jaayenge jahar peete peete
Ye ashk jo peete jaa rahe ho

The recent suicide of model-actress Kuljeet Randhawa shocked many. To most, it brought back memories of Nafisa Joseph, another model-actress who, too had ended her young life in a similar tragic manner an year back. One could speculate endlessly as to what possibly could lead young, successful and the have-it-all-in-life (at least as it may seem) people to be driven to the edge of life. To the outward world, they projected a picture of happiness and confidence. Even people close to them who might have been privy to a more true picture, failed to sense the darkness that the person was being pulled into from within.

But the possible explanation, beyond the sensationalism of media headlines screaming about failed love affairs and other juicy angles, is perhaps a medical one – suicide is considered a mental health issue by medicine. A very common cause of suicide is known to be depression. As a matter of fact, according to the World Health organization it is feared to be the second largest cause of disability, after heart diseases, in the world.

Sadly enough, the nature and significance of depression as a medical problem is not known, or if known, mostly ignored, especially in our country. Depression is seen merely as a ‘state of mind’ and something which the person can overcome through will power – implying that someone who doesn’t ‘snap out of it’ is ‘weak’ and has ‘no will power’ – a belief which in fact, further pushes the person into the lonely, cocooned and confusing world of depression.

And though depression is something we have largely associated with images of spurned lovers, bereavement and/or loneliness – these circumstances may initiate or aggravate a depression, but rarely culminate into a state of despair eventually leading to suicide or even lead to a persistent state of sadness which makes normal life disruptive. For people who have not experienced or not been close to someone who has experienced the overwhelming nature of this mental state, it is rather difficult to understand the impact of this disorder - it takes away from the person any reason to hope and look forward to a possible reality other than the hopelessness looming around at that point in time.

The following lines from a poem by someone called S.N. that I stumbled across on the web bring out the silent cry of help of a depressed individual:

Depression overwhelms my soul
Deep darkness, a big, black hole
Sadness eats it way through my heart
Where does it end, where did it start?

Why does it have to be me?
If only the future I could see
Afraid of shadows In the dark
Will I ever make my mark?

So much to be thankful for
How can I ask for any more?
I just wish this could go away
For me to have a natural day

Suffice to say, if you notice any of the symptoms of depression in anyone close to you, friend or family, please help them. Listen to them. Don't advice or patronise. Don't try 'talking sense’, seek professional help if required. Schools and colleges, especially would have a counsellor to assist in a time like this. In the event that you find yourself slipping into this unconquerable abyss of sadness, please seek help. Talk about it. To a friend, family, doctor, counselor. Just remember, you are not alone.