Sibling Stories
"Pramod Mahajan shot by his younger brother Pravin Mahajan" : This particular news headline has, to say the least, shocked the entirevnation and today as he battles for his life, all hope for his recovery. NDTV reports:
According to the Mumbai police, Pravin Mahajan has revealed many details about why he shot his brother Pramod:
• Pravin harboured a long standing resentment against Pramod
• He feels Pramod has not done enough for him
• Pravin feels that he has paid the price for being the sibling of a famous brother
• Pravin also said that whenever he needed to contact Pramod, he was made to go through secretaries who were very rude
…..Pramod Mahajan is known for his skills in bringing together political adversaries. Yet somehow he was unable to mend the rift within his own family.
The Times of India further reports :
Pravin Mahajan’s lawyer gave a new dimension to the mystery behind shooting by indicating that his client was mentally disturbed. But police commissioner A N Roy said the accused certainly showed no signs of mental illness or disturbance. He said the attack appeared “premeditated.’’ Police sources said Pravin looked to be “a deeply frustrated man’’ who suffered from an inferiority complex
Pramod Mahajan is the eldest in his family and has been known to be a father figure to his younger siblings. Pravin Mahajan, the youngest, as believed, too was dependent on Pramod Mahajan in many ways. This dependence, Pravin told the police turned into a long burning resentment.
The incident sparked a strain of thought – unrelated to the act per se – the thought, instead, veered towards the dynamics that exist between siblings and the immense differences in status as well as fortune that define some of them (like in the case of the Mahajan brothers). This bond comes perhaps just second in influence to the parent-child relationship in defining ones life.
With siblings we share a lifetime of stories and experiences - a wealth of shared history. Unique, by virtue of being incontrovertible and everlasting, the bond can be complex and multilayered. The presence (or absence) of a sibling can be a prominent determinant of an individual’s personality. Factors like one’s birth order position, age difference between siblings, gender roles, difference in capabilities – intellectual, physical, amiability - and most critically, the parental role (or a lack of it) in managing these differences : undeniably play a crucial role in defining individual character traits and a person’s general attitude towards dealing with future life issues. Ofcourse, overriding all of these could be the child’s opinion about himself – a factor of his intrinsic attitude.
Psychologist Alfred Alder’s work includes a very interesting theory on birth order dynamics in personality formation. More on Birth Order may be read here
He also asserts how the feeling of inferiority due to the presence of a sibling who exhibits more superior (or perceived as superior) qualities, may lead to what he calls ‘compensation’ – an attempt to make up for those perceived inferior functions – something which may lead to a useful direction towards exceptional achievement or a useless turn towards excessive perfectionism – leading to a ‘fictional final goal’ – something which promises relief from those feelings of inferiority. In reality, birth order, perhaps, has a greater role to play in the event of early parental loss, especially in the context of a large family (as was the case in the lives of the Mahajan siblings).
American sociologist Dalton Conley, in his book ‘Pecking Order’, differs from the ‘Birth Order’ theory or any other factor like genetic differences to explain differences between siblings, especially in the case of siblings born in economically disadvantaged classes. He believes that in families of two kids, birth order does not matter much. And that for most of us, good genes count only to the extent that they ‘fit in’ with the social circumstances around us.
Simply stated, he says that how innate talent is rewarded, depends on the socio-economic structure of that time, how well it matches with the values of the family and its circumstances to be able to perceive it as being valuable. For example, in a family valuing reading, a child’s innate athletic talents may go unrealized.
Citing the example of Bill Clinton and his half-brother Roger Clinton, he goes on to explain, that the differences in the way their individual lives turned out (one went on to be the President of the United States and the other an ex-convict -coke dealer) was largely due to the fact that there existed a good fit between Bill Clinton’s talents, and the political opportunities in a small state like Arkansas. And the lack of financial resources prevented the younger sibling from availing opportunities, like good schooling, which could have rewarded his talents. And though they shared a cherished childhood bond, the acute differences in their adult lives was a cause of much embarrassment, guilt and trauma to both.
The dynamics between siblings are to a large extent defined by the way the relationship is managed by the parents. Understanding the uniqueness of each child and responding accordingly. Instilling a sense of belonging and oneness with the family fold in each. Consciously cultivating a sense of mutual care and love between siblings - these are some of the ways through which parents handle, shape and forge realtionships between their children, which in turn, may mold their individual lives.
Complexities of the relationship apart, many sibling stories are happy stories. Healthy sibling bonds are an asset. They run deep and harbor mutual support, care and love. The treasure of shared history, comprising of childhood memories, games indulged in and tales assembled, is invaluable, especially as the years go by. Siblings provide a cushion of support and solace during times of crisis and represent the family sanctuary.
And though sibling relationships evolve over time and some siblings move apart in pursuit of careers, marriage and life in general, later events often draw them back. Simply stated, siblings are for life.
According to the Mumbai police, Pravin Mahajan has revealed many details about why he shot his brother Pramod:
• Pravin harboured a long standing resentment against Pramod
• He feels Pramod has not done enough for him
• Pravin feels that he has paid the price for being the sibling of a famous brother
• Pravin also said that whenever he needed to contact Pramod, he was made to go through secretaries who were very rude
…..Pramod Mahajan is known for his skills in bringing together political adversaries. Yet somehow he was unable to mend the rift within his own family.
The Times of India further reports :
Pravin Mahajan’s lawyer gave a new dimension to the mystery behind shooting by indicating that his client was mentally disturbed. But police commissioner A N Roy said the accused certainly showed no signs of mental illness or disturbance. He said the attack appeared “premeditated.’’ Police sources said Pravin looked to be “a deeply frustrated man’’ who suffered from an inferiority complex
Pramod Mahajan is the eldest in his family and has been known to be a father figure to his younger siblings. Pravin Mahajan, the youngest, as believed, too was dependent on Pramod Mahajan in many ways. This dependence, Pravin told the police turned into a long burning resentment.
The incident sparked a strain of thought – unrelated to the act per se – the thought, instead, veered towards the dynamics that exist between siblings and the immense differences in status as well as fortune that define some of them (like in the case of the Mahajan brothers). This bond comes perhaps just second in influence to the parent-child relationship in defining ones life.
With siblings we share a lifetime of stories and experiences - a wealth of shared history. Unique, by virtue of being incontrovertible and everlasting, the bond can be complex and multilayered. The presence (or absence) of a sibling can be a prominent determinant of an individual’s personality. Factors like one’s birth order position, age difference between siblings, gender roles, difference in capabilities – intellectual, physical, amiability - and most critically, the parental role (or a lack of it) in managing these differences : undeniably play a crucial role in defining individual character traits and a person’s general attitude towards dealing with future life issues. Ofcourse, overriding all of these could be the child’s opinion about himself – a factor of his intrinsic attitude.
Psychologist Alfred Alder’s work includes a very interesting theory on birth order dynamics in personality formation. More on Birth Order may be read here
He also asserts how the feeling of inferiority due to the presence of a sibling who exhibits more superior (or perceived as superior) qualities, may lead to what he calls ‘compensation’ – an attempt to make up for those perceived inferior functions – something which may lead to a useful direction towards exceptional achievement or a useless turn towards excessive perfectionism – leading to a ‘fictional final goal’ – something which promises relief from those feelings of inferiority. In reality, birth order, perhaps, has a greater role to play in the event of early parental loss, especially in the context of a large family (as was the case in the lives of the Mahajan siblings).
American sociologist Dalton Conley, in his book ‘Pecking Order’, differs from the ‘Birth Order’ theory or any other factor like genetic differences to explain differences between siblings, especially in the case of siblings born in economically disadvantaged classes. He believes that in families of two kids, birth order does not matter much. And that for most of us, good genes count only to the extent that they ‘fit in’ with the social circumstances around us.
Simply stated, he says that how innate talent is rewarded, depends on the socio-economic structure of that time, how well it matches with the values of the family and its circumstances to be able to perceive it as being valuable. For example, in a family valuing reading, a child’s innate athletic talents may go unrealized.
Citing the example of Bill Clinton and his half-brother Roger Clinton, he goes on to explain, that the differences in the way their individual lives turned out (one went on to be the President of the United States and the other an ex-convict -coke dealer) was largely due to the fact that there existed a good fit between Bill Clinton’s talents, and the political opportunities in a small state like Arkansas. And the lack of financial resources prevented the younger sibling from availing opportunities, like good schooling, which could have rewarded his talents. And though they shared a cherished childhood bond, the acute differences in their adult lives was a cause of much embarrassment, guilt and trauma to both.
The dynamics between siblings are to a large extent defined by the way the relationship is managed by the parents. Understanding the uniqueness of each child and responding accordingly. Instilling a sense of belonging and oneness with the family fold in each. Consciously cultivating a sense of mutual care and love between siblings - these are some of the ways through which parents handle, shape and forge realtionships between their children, which in turn, may mold their individual lives.
Complexities of the relationship apart, many sibling stories are happy stories. Healthy sibling bonds are an asset. They run deep and harbor mutual support, care and love. The treasure of shared history, comprising of childhood memories, games indulged in and tales assembled, is invaluable, especially as the years go by. Siblings provide a cushion of support and solace during times of crisis and represent the family sanctuary.
And though sibling relationships evolve over time and some siblings move apart in pursuit of careers, marriage and life in general, later events often draw them back. Simply stated, siblings are for life.
posted by Chandni Dendukuri at 9:06 PM
1 Comments:
Siblings maybe for life, but they certainly aren't for politics! This type of thing happens all the time, even Shakespeare managed to draw comparisons to something similar Hamlet that many years ago.
Perhaps because politics (and especially Indian politics) is so reliant on lineage, hierarchy and the like, it is almost like a feudal system.
Siblings in an oridinary middle class circumstance, I agree, are extremely valuable and endearing. I personally don't have any but I can see precisely why the above is true. I've noticed it elsewhere and it's easy to conclude that siblings do indeed improve your life.
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