Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Sibling Stories

"Pramod Mahajan shot by his younger brother Pravin Mahajan" : This particular news headline has, to say the least, shocked the entirevnation and today as he battles for his life, all hope for his recovery. NDTV reports:

According to the Mumbai police, Pravin Mahajan has revealed many details about why he shot his brother Pramod:
• Pravin harboured a long standing resentment against Pramod
• He feels Pramod has not done enough for him
• Pravin feels that he has paid the price for being the sibling of a famous brother
• Pravin also said that whenever he needed to contact Pramod, he was made to go through secretaries who were very rude

…..Pramod Mahajan is known for his skills in bringing together political adversaries. Yet somehow he was unable to mend the rift within his own family.


The Times of India further reports :

Pravin Mahajan’s lawyer gave a new dimension to the mystery behind shooting by indicating that his client was mentally disturbed. But police commissioner A N Roy said the accused certainly showed no signs of mental illness or disturbance. He said the attack appeared “premeditated.’’ Police sources said Pravin looked to be “a deeply frustrated man’’ who suffered from an inferiority complex

Pramod Mahajan is the eldest in his family and has been known to be a father figure to his younger siblings. Pravin Mahajan, the youngest, as believed, too was dependent on Pramod Mahajan in many ways. This dependence, Pravin told the police turned into a long burning resentment.

The incident sparked a strain of thought – unrelated to the act per se – the thought, instead, veered towards the dynamics that exist between siblings and the immense differences in status as well as fortune that define some of them (like in the case of the Mahajan brothers). This bond comes perhaps just second in influence to the parent-child relationship in defining ones life.

With siblings we share a lifetime of stories and experiences - a wealth of shared history. Unique, by virtue of being incontrovertible and everlasting, the bond can be complex and multilayered. The presence (or absence) of a sibling can be a prominent determinant of an individual’s personality. Factors like one’s birth order position, age difference between siblings, gender roles, difference in capabilities – intellectual, physical, amiability - and most critically, the parental role (or a lack of it) in managing these differences : undeniably play a crucial role in defining individual character traits and a person’s general attitude towards dealing with future life issues. Ofcourse, overriding all of these could be the child’s opinion about himself – a factor of his intrinsic attitude.

Psychologist Alfred Alder’s work includes a very interesting theory on birth order dynamics in personality formation. More on Birth Order may be read here

He also asserts how the feeling of inferiority due to the presence of a sibling who exhibits more superior (or perceived as superior) qualities, may lead to what he calls ‘compensation’ – an attempt to make up for those perceived inferior functions – something which may lead to a useful direction towards exceptional achievement or a useless turn towards excessive perfectionism – leading to a ‘fictional final goal’ – something which promises relief from those feelings of inferiority. In reality, birth order, perhaps, has a greater role to play in the event of early parental loss, especially in the context of a large family (as was the case in the lives of the Mahajan siblings).

American sociologist Dalton Conley, in his book ‘Pecking Order’, differs from the ‘Birth Order’ theory or any other factor like genetic differences to explain differences between siblings, especially in the case of siblings born in economically disadvantaged classes. He believes that in families of two kids, birth order does not matter much. And that for most of us, good genes count only to the extent that they ‘fit in’ with the social circumstances around us.

Simply stated, he says that how innate talent is rewarded, depends on the socio-economic structure of that time, how well it matches with the values of the family and its circumstances to be able to perceive it as being valuable. For example, in a family valuing reading, a child’s innate athletic talents may go unrealized.

Citing the example of Bill Clinton and his half-brother Roger Clinton, he goes on to explain, that the differences in the way their individual lives turned out (one went on to be the President of the United States and the other an ex-convict -coke dealer) was largely due to the fact that there existed a good fit between Bill Clinton’s talents, and the political opportunities in a small state like Arkansas. And the lack of financial resources prevented the younger sibling from availing opportunities, like good schooling, which could have rewarded his talents. And though they shared a cherished childhood bond, the acute differences in their adult lives was a cause of much embarrassment, guilt and trauma to both.

The dynamics between siblings are to a large extent defined by the way the relationship is managed by the parents. Understanding the uniqueness of each child and responding accordingly. Instilling a sense of belonging and oneness with the family fold in each. Consciously cultivating a sense of mutual care and love between siblings - these are some of the ways through which parents handle, shape and forge realtionships between their children, which in turn, may mold their individual lives.

Complexities of the relationship apart, many sibling stories are happy stories. Healthy sibling bonds are an asset. They run deep and harbor mutual support, care and love. The treasure of shared history, comprising of childhood memories, games indulged in and tales assembled, is invaluable, especially as the years go by. Siblings provide a cushion of support and solace during times of crisis and represent the family sanctuary.


And though sibling relationships evolve over time and some siblings move apart in pursuit of careers, marriage and life in general, later events often draw them back. Simply stated, siblings are for life.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

The Mathematics of success= - Maths or + Maths?

This newsreport recently caught my eye. It talks about a proposal moved by the ministry of youth affairs and sports to make mathematics an optional subject after Class 8

I cannot claim to have any expertise to be able to comment on the decision, hence shall refrain from doing the same. The following post is less about the government’s decision, which I understand is going to incite opinions that are divided on the issue, in this post I am merely sharing my own tryst with the subject during my school life and the consequences, that I believe resulted thereof.

Without mincing words, let it be known that I was what could be referred to as being ‘average’ in Maths. It was a subject that always evoked panic, fear and also feelings of inferiority – as proficiency in the subject was supposedly inevitable to be considered ‘intelligent’ and hence if one was ‘poor in maths’ meant one could be relegated forever into the ‘not-so-bright’ breed. This perceived relationship between excelling in maths and excelling in life perhaps propelled me to fight tooth and nail with what was a lack of a ‘natural flair’ for the subject and a veneration for it dominated most of my student life (and it was the fear of this ignominy of being deemed 'unintillegent' that fuelled acceptable performance in the subject more than a natural comfort in the it). On hindsight, I never enjoyed maths but I believed strongly enough that one just had to be good at mathematics to make it anywhere significantly in life. End result – the focus of your life becomes something you want to be better at (hence are at most ‘ok’ in it), instead of being something you are inherently good at (and can potentially excel in).

This obsession with ‘proving’ one is good at mathematics or anything else for that matter could be partly self-created, driven by aspirations to model oneself on someone else who, for example, excels at that. Partly responsible could be a not-so-sensitive school teacher who could explicitly or implicitly hint that a student was ‘slow’ as proficiency in maths was not upto desired levels (sensitive, impressionable children, whose need for approval is very high, are especially susceptible to this). And mostly responsible is the general social scenario in our country where the more lucrative and high-profile jobs go to the engineering and/or MBA breed of professionals, a fundamental requirement of the engineering course being proficiency in mathematics (and in turn, 70% of MBAs are from engineering backgrounds, followed by economics, science and commerce, rarely arts.). Non-traditional career options that emanate from an aptitude, for instance, in the liberal arts, natural sciences or even those who possess non-academic talents like art, music, sports are considered neither lucrative nor worthwhile a student’s time and effort.

As a result of the above, what we achieve is a person who is at best average in what he does. Marcus Buckingham and Curt W. Coffman of Gallup in their book ‘First, Break All the Rules’ share an insight which they have culled during their extensive interaction with successful corporate managers, of course their finding is more aimed at the corporate arena, but in principle, is true of people in general. They say :

People don't change that much.
Don't waste time trying to put in what was left out.
Try to draw out what was left in.
That is hard enough.


In essence, what their philosophy states is that “…try to help each person become more and more of who he already is.”

The point that this post is trying to make is that an archaic education system that defines excellence in a rather uni-dimensional manner fails to tap the potential of the individual (and in turn the huge human resource pool that exists in India which is assumed to be our greatest asset as of today). And the answer does not lie in a solution as simplistic as making a subject/s optional (young students are most often driven by reasons other than a heightened awareness of their own strengths in making academic choices). What is required instead is an innovative system that is able to identify, encourage and nurture a student’s inherent strengths. It could mean making maths optional, or making history/social sciences optional - the suggested approach being one which makes one at the end of it, feel comfortable about one’s intrinsic talents and utilize them favorably.